Everything That Kills Me Makes Me Feel Alive
by artigiano
Summary: "If he wasn't the lifeline that he can tell Steve is holding onto at this moment, he'd be running in the opposite direction to find the son of a bitch who did this. And then when he caught him, no matter how long it took, he would make him pay." Quick oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there. This is a quick oneshot, basically just dealing with Danny's feelings in the instance of Steve being taken. The details are purposefully vague so as to just focus on the emotions. This was written very quickly after a flight back to school, during which I rewatched Ep 2.10, but I decided I didn't want to do a post-ep because a) it's been a long time since that aired, and b) it's been done (well!) a thousand times. So this is something different-ish. Hopefully y'all like it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, have any rights, etc. etc. This is purely for the enjoyment of writing. And whumping our favourite characters. **

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He's all smiles on the helicopter, chatting with the members of the evac team like he hadn't just been held hostage and tortured for almost a week. He's still got a gun in his hands from the shoot out, and Danny's watching him grip it tightly through the laughing, never letting it slip from his grasp. He's fine until they land and start to transfer him to a gurney when all of a sudden he stumbles, and Chin, who hopped a ride with them, places a steadying hand on his shoulder; Danny watches him transform, tensing and getting ready to attack. Chin steps back just in time to avoid Steve's swing.

And then just as quickly, the defensiveness leaves him and the shock sets in and he's falling to the ground before anyone can catch him.

Danny's at his side in an instant, lifting his head to be on Danny's bent knees, not even considering the blood and sweat that is transferred. He's trying to calm Steve down, but he's shaking and in this light more than ever Danny can see the burn marks on his partner's chest, the bruises already forming all over his body, the stab mark apparently no one knew about until this moment, the plethora of other injuries, and his anger surges to unbelievable levels. If he wasn't the lifeline that he can tell Steve is holding onto at this moment, he'd be running in the opposite direction to find the son of a bitch who did this.

And then when he caught him, no matter how long it took, he would make him pay. He's learned some things about pain over the course of his career, and he'd be willing to test out new methods on this man just to make him pay. Just for revenge.

Danny's barely containing his rage, barely containing the fervor that's threatening to burn him up, and suddenly Steve isn't the only one shaking. He tries to take a few deep breaths and refocus on his partner, and as the red lifts from his eyes just a little, he finally is aware of Chin watching him as everyone else is trying to work on Steve. Chin meets his eyes, and Danny sees some of his own fury reflected back there. He can see the question there too, the inquiry as to how he is doing. Danny just shakes his head no, because he isn't okay right now. He doesn't think he'll be okay until the sight of Steve more than half-dead in that warehouse is washed out of his memory, until it's not a burning, flaming image as it is now.

Finally they get Steve stabilized enough to move him to gurney and into the hospital, and even through they're moving, Danny isn't letting go of his hand. He's not going anywhere, not letting Steve out of his sight. He'd go into the operating room if they let him, but he's stopped at the door, told he can't go any further. And then the fury, the fear, the terror from the past few days descends again and he's yelling at the nurse that he needs to be there, that he needs to make sure his partner is okay, that he wasn't there to protect him last time so he _goddamn will be going with him to keep him safe this time_.

But the nurse refuses, even in the face of his tears, unrelenting even in her attempts to comfort Danny, able to recognizing his outburst for what it is. But it's only Chin's hand on his shoulder that guides him back to the waiting room, and it's that calming touch that proves to be his undoing. He doesn't care that there are five other people in the waiting room, doesn't care that anyone is there to witness his breakdown, mostly because all he can focus on is trying to get a breath through the sobs. It's been a long week, full of ransom demands sent through videos with accompanying visuals, and one fruitless search after another for his best friend. He hasn't slept in days, knowing that the deadline for finding his friend alive was getting slimmer and slimmer. They would have never even found him if not for Steve fighting and getting ahold of a cell phone to call them before he was tortured further, and even though he's safe now that feeling of helplessness isn't going away.

It's not until he can start to hear Chin's voice again, calming repeating that Steve was alive and was going to be okay, that he can even get some control again. He mutters an apology, but Chin waves it away, knowing what a toll this has taken on him, knowing that he blames himself for letting Steve be taken from the crime scene anyway.

He wipes his eyes, clears his throat, and sits up, suddenly embarrassed by his outburst. It seems as though nobody cares, though, presumably because they understand what he's going through, and for that Danny is incredibly grateful. He sits back, and waits for the doctor, settling in for the long haul because these things are never fast when it's Steve.

And sure enough he's right because it's a few hours before they hear any news. The list of injuries is long, much too long, and Danny can feel that slow burn of revenge building back up. He resists the urge to hit someone, something, especially the man who just saved Steve's life. Instead he lets Chin go and visit first, gives Kono a call to update her and thank her for staying behind to clear the scene, and then hits a brick wall a few times. He relishes the pain, relishes in the feeling of a simple emotion that comes from almost breaking his knuckles and the relief it brings from the complicated emotions he's been dealing with lately. He hits it once more for good measure, wipes the blood off his hand, and then heads back inside to keep vigil.

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**Please let me know what you think, and I might be inclined to write a follow-up if there's interest. **

**Charlotte **


	2. Author's Note

**Just a quick author's note. I don't normally do these, but I figured with the amount of requests I got to continue this story, I would make a note here so you would all know where to look. I've decided, as per a great suggestion, to write a full-length story expanding on this oneshot rather than just continue it. I'm currently in the process of writing this story, and I hope to have the first installment up within the next week/week and a half. So please look for the companion to this piece ****_Everything That Drowns Me Makes Me Want to Fly_**** and thanks for all your kind words and inspirations! :) **

**Charlotte **


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